i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I looked at my own cervix.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
