Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
