would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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