Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
