Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
