and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
