I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
