Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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