I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
