I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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