And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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