i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
