Soap is not a condiment
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
