Having a random hookup so left but love u
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
