Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
