Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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