If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
