He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize