My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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