I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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