He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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