it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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