Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
