He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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