I hate your face
I hate all girls vehemently.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
