I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
