How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
