I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
