hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
