she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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