We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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