didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
so much tequila, so little girl.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
