It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
