I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
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