I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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