she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
