I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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