sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
