apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
