Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
