So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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