Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
