When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
