Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
