Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
