walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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