it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
