At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
