Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
