I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Alive.
So much puke
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
