I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
