im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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